A Need for Ordered Virtue: C. S. Lewis’s Warning

Years ago, when I was in college, I wrote a senior-seminar thesis paper on masculinity. One of the writers who shaped me the most was C. S. Lewis in his little book The Abolition of Man.

Lewis’s Warning

Lewis was worried about something we’re still dealing with today: a culture that wants to throw out old standards without replacing them with anything solid. He says there are people who want to, “make a clean sweep of traditional values and start with a new set and in the process, they leave young people with no real map of what is true or good.“

The Urban Blockhead

To make his point, Lewis describes two kinds of men. The first is what he calls the ‘urban blockhead,’ basically the emotionally stunted tough guy, what we’d now call the stereotypical jock. He’s all bravado, no depth.

Lewis says men like that, because they’ve never been taught how to feel rightly, are actually easier prey for propaganda.

The Trousered Ape

The second figure is even more important today: the ‘trousered ape.’ This man has a mind and a heart, but no stable center. He has feelings and opinions, but his emotions constantly overrun his reason. He looks sophisticated, but he’s unanchored.

Lewis’s Solution

Lewis’s solution is simple and brilliant. He says that in a healthy person, “the head rules the belly through the chest.”

In other words:

• The head is our intellect: our capacity to see truth
• The belly is our appetites: our drives, impulses, desires
• The chest is the place of trained virtue: courage, magnanimity, the part of us that has learned to love what is truly good and reject what is truly evil

Lewis’s Warning

His warning is that our culture has been producing ‘men without chests’. Men whose reason and desires are never trained by virtue. We remove the organ, and then we demand the function. We laugh at honor, and then we’re shocked to find betrayal.

Masculinity Gone Wrong

I think that describes a lot of what’s gone wrong with masculinity.

We’ve created extremes:

• On one side, a hard, macho masculinity with no heart;
• On the other side, a fluid, purely subjective masculinity with no anchor;
• In the middle, we never really trained boys in ordered virtue.

Authentic Masculinity

So, when I talk about authentic masculinity, I’m really talking about rebuilding the ‘chest.’ Training men to use their strength, their mind, and their desires in a way that lines up with reality and with love. And that’s where these core attributes of masculinity come in.

My Perspective of Authentic Masculinity

Authentic masculinity isn’t a return to machismo or a rejection of masculinity altogether. It draws from both psychology and theology to recover why men exist and how they flourish.

Six key components frame this vision.

1. Origin: Men Are Built for Self‑Gift

Across biology, psychology and theology, men are built with an outward‑oriented strength meant to be given away.

Male bodies are designed for initiation and protection. Scripture affirms that human beings are made in God’s image and the Church clarifies that man cannot fully find himself except through a sincere gift of himself.

In Christian theology, the model for self‑gift is Christ, who gives His life for His Bride. We see this in his example of love, which we could call a “cruciformed love.” A man’s strength finds its purpose when it is ordered toward love: protecting, providing, building, sacrificing and persevering.

2. Application Today: Why Men Need a Clear Vision

When men lack a healthy vision of masculinity, they drift toward addiction, passivity, aggression, compulsive behaviors and relational collapse. Many men carry father wounds from absent, passive or critical fathers.

Without mentors to teach them, young men learn about sex, responsibility and courage from peers, pornography and social media. As a result, they either imitate harmful patterns or reject masculinity altogether.

By contrast, men with a clear sense of authentic masculinity experience greater purpose, resilience, relational health and psychological well‑being. Healthy masculinity is not oppressive; it is protective. It does not crush difference; it celebrates complementary roles and mutual dignity.

3. Masculinity vs. Femininity: Equal Dignity, Distinct Gifts

Catholic theology teaches that men and women share equal dignity but express self‑gift differently. Mulieris Dignitatem uses the spousal analogy to explain that the masculine and feminine stand “in a reciprocal relationship” and “complete and explain each other.” Christ Himself emphasized the originality that distinguishes women from men.

In other words, equality does not mean sameness. Both sexes are called to self‑gift, but the forms of that gift differ:

• Feminine self‑gift tends to be more interior and receptive. Women often express love through presence, empathy, attunement and hospitality. They symbolize the Church in her receptivity to Christ.
• Masculine self‑gift tends to be more exterior and initiating. Men are called to direct their strength outward: through responsibility, protection, initiation and sacrifice. They symbolize Christ’s sacrificial love for His Bride.

These distinctions are not stereotypes but archetypes (a true natural ordering) rooted in biology, psychology and spiritual symbolism. Both gifts are necessary. Masculinity is not superior to femininity nor interchangeable with it; rather, the two complement and enrich each other (Mulieris Dignitatem).

4. Aquinas, Subordination and Mutual Submission

St. Thomas Aquinas wrote in the thirteenth century, and some of his language reflects the culture of his time. He believed that in household management the husband is the head, but he also affirmed that husband and wife are equal partners.

The Catholic Church has clarified and deepened this teaching. In Mulieris Dignitatem, John Paul II notes that the author of Ephesians calls wives to be subject to their husbands, but insists this must be understood as a mutual subjection out of reverence for Christ.

He emphasizes that although Christ’s relationship to the Church involves one‑sided submission, the subjection in marriage is not one‑sided but mutual. He argued that all reasons seem to support the subjection of women must be reinterpreted in light of the Gospel as mutual submission.

In short, any notion of male domination in marriage is a distortion; Christian headship means being the first to sacrifice and serve. 

5. Characteristic Traits of Authentic Masculinity

From this understanding of humanity, five core attributes emerge. They are universal virtues any man can cultivate, regardless of culture or vocation:

1. Courage: Doing the good despite fear.

Courage isn’t the absence of fear; it is moving toward what is right. It is having the hard conversation, seeking help, remaining emotionally present (when everything in you wants to run).

2. Responsibility: Owning what is yours to carry.

Responsibility means taking ownership of your actions, words, choices and their consequences. It is the opposite of blaming others or avoiding duty.

3. Presence: Being emotionally, relationally and spiritually available.

Presence is steady engagement with those who depend on you. It avoids both aggression and withdrawal.
Psychologically, it looks like secure attachment.
Spiritually, it looks like love that stays.

4. Sacrifice: Using your strength for the good of others.

Sacrifice is the heart of masculinity. It doesn’t mean neglecting legitimate needs or becoming a doormat; it means choosing love when it costs you something.

The world associates masculinity with getting more; Christ associates masculinity with giving more.

5. Self‑Mastery: Governing your impulses, desires and emotions.

Without self‑mastery, courage becomes aggression, presence becomes passivity and sacrifice becomes burnout. Self‑mastery is the discipline that allows a man’s strength to be directed toward love rather than ego. A man who cannot govern himself cannot give himself.

6. Necessity: Why Authentic Masculinity Matters

Authentic masculinity is not a hobby; it is essential for mental health, healthy relationships and a flourishing society. Without a clear and positive framework, men are vulnerable to shame, confusion and behaviors that harm themselves and others.

With a healthy framework, men can embrace their nature without apology, integrate their emotions without shame and wield their strength in service of love. As Gaudium et Spes reminds us, only through a sincere gift of self does a person fully find themself. The same truth applies to men. When a man gives his strength away in love, he becomes most himself.

A Definition of Authentic Masculinity

When we put these insights together, a working definition emerges: Masculinity is a man’s unique way of using his strength (physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual) to become a gift to others.

It is the willingness to take responsibility, exercise courage, remain emotionally present and disciplined, and to use one’s strength in love rather than for ego or control. This definition integrates psychological health with a theology of self‑gift.

What Masculinity Is Not: Naming the Distortions

Since we understand what masculinity is, we can discuss further what it is not. Several distorted versions have emerged from cultural expectations and personal wounds:

1. Superiority

Any worldview that claims men are superior to women contradicts both psychology and Catholic teaching.

Aquinas himself taught that husband and wife contract marriage as equals; neither can divorce the other because marriage is an equal union. He emphasized that the husband’s headship pertains to household management but that in the act of marriage itself husband and wife are equal.

John Paul II further clarifies that Christian marriage demands mutual subjection out of reverence for Christ.

Masculinity is therefore never about superiority but about service.

2. Domination and Control

Strength used to intimidate or control others is not masculine. It reflects insecurity and power seeking rather than sacrificial service.

The APA guidelines warn that traditional norms emphasizing dominance (specifically) are associated with aggression and harm.

True Christ-like strength protects and serves; it never seeks to overpower.

3. Emotional Suppression

Many boys are socialized to believe that showing fear or sadness makes them weak.

Yet researchers note that teaching boys to suppress emotions results in higher rates of depression, substance use and other health problems. To be clear, emotional steadiness, like regulating your emotions, does not mean emotional numbness.

Healthy masculinity allows men to be present with their emotional experience or feelings, while remaining grounded.

4. Hypersexuality and Conquest:

Porn culture equates masculinity with sexual performance and conquest. This distortion reduces women to purely objects and men to consumers.

Authentic masculinity orders sexual desire toward a gift of self, intimacy, commitment and responsibility; not consumption or “use”.

5. Passivity and Avoidance:

In reaction to harmful models of masculinity, some men retreat into passivity. Avoiding responsibility out of fear of being domineering. This is not gentleness; it is avoidance.

Healthy masculinity steps toward responsibility while remaining open to dialogue and mutual decision‑making.

6. The Manosphere and Reactionary Ideologies:

Online communities that encourage resentment toward women and glorify dominance exploit the male pain of isolation. They offer identity and belonging by appealing to woundedness but twist male strength into entitlement and misogyny.

These voices really only feed insecurity rather than healing.

Christ and St. Joseph: Icons of Masculinity

To see masculinity lived out, I suggest we look to Christ and St. Joseph.

Christ’s Example

Christ embodies strength with purpose. He is courageous, steadfast, emotionally honest and entirely devoted to the good of others. He confronts injustice, protects the vulnerable, weeps with the grieving and lays down his life for his Bride. His strength is never self‑serving; it is always a gift of himself.

St. Joseph’s Example

St. Joseph offers a different yet complementary picture. He speaks little in Scripture but acts decisively to protect Mary and Jesus. He exemplifies responsibility without fanfare, leadership without ego, protection without aggression and obedience to God without hesitation.

Joseph’s quiet presence shows that masculinity isn’t about public recognition but about faithfulness and relational strength.

Strength Directed Outward

Together, Christ and Joseph illustrate that authentic masculinity integrates courage, emotional presence, responsibility, sacrifice and self‑mastery. In Christ, we see sacrificial strength. In Joseph, we see steady, protective presence. Both direct their strength outward in love.

A Closing Invitation